Many women who left the mormon church and men tell the story here many came from families that have been members for many generations.

https://wasmormon.org/profiles/

Hi, I’m Heather

https://wasmormon.org/profile/piper22/

About me
I was born and raised in the church, married a return missionary in the temple, at 22 years old, had four kids.  Lived the gospel in the most pure way I could. Never even tasted alcohol until I was 47 years old.

# Why I left More stories of ‘Why I left’ the Mormon church
Realized The first year I was married, that I was projecting my good qualities onto my husband at the time, But stuck to my covenant because I had “made a promise to God and I didn’t want to step over that”.   Continued praying to God for a decade, And having babies as I was commanded, before I divorced him HOPING that he would change, but with his gambling addiction, and sleeping around addiction, well, I finally got strong enough to walk away from the church. Ironically, his parents and he are still members. That’s fun. Hypocrisy in the patriarchy is pretty common for the Mormon church.

Also, parents and two siblings are still NORMON, and they are still drinking the Kool-Aid, BUT I have been able to re-identify myself aside from them. It’s been a lot of work, but I am grateful for that work because it made me more resilient.

Hello everyone I’m Christi Keller

https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/
I’m a mom of Three and grandmother of six. I love to read, spend time with family, ride my bike, listen to music and think.
avilabeach77 profile image for wasmormon.org
About me
I was baptized at 8 years old on the Fourth of July. But I wasn’t active in the church until I was 18. As a result, I’ve always felt like a convert. There were a few months of Primary– which explains my memorization of The Articles of Faith and a perplexing bishop’s interview– no Young Women’s and no Seminary. I agreed to the baptism because I felt it was something my mother wanted, but I understood none of it, and in fact, what I was really looking forward to wasn’t the baptism at all but the fireworks that night. Mormonism was just another religion to me because all my friends were Catholics or Baptists or nothing at all. I had been attending a Baptist elementary school since kindergarten, and I occasionally joined my friend for Saturday mass. Fast forward to the summer before my senior year of high school when my mother, my siblings and I moved far from Los Angeles to a sleepy little town on the central California coast. It was there that we began attending the local Mormon church, and it was a welcoming experience for all of us. I became involved in the Institute where I found a wonderful group of kids, several of whom became good friends. I felt that I was among my people. And I felt that I had a lot of catching up to do.

So I dove into the Book of Mormon and excitedly read James Talmage’s Jesus the Christ and The Articles of Faith. ( I really needed to understand what I had memorized and quoted to the intimidating man in suit and tie years earlier). There was so much to learn. Two years later I was at BYU, thinking it would be a great experience to be surrounded by so many church members. And it was for a few months until a sense of Too Much began settling in. I still loved the church, and I loved my people, although Provo was a strange place indeed, and BYU had ridiculous rules. Immediately after graduation I left on a mission to Uruguay. Oh how I wanted to share the gospel that I held so dear. It was a good experience all in all, but I began to have questions. And the biggest questions centered on polygamy. Polygamy niggled at me for years. I was told to have faith. We can’t understand everything in this life after all. So the whole disquieting issue went on the back burner where it slowly simmered. And I was anticipating marriage and family. As a 26 year old, I felt (wrongly) that I was getting old and didn’t want to be a single LDS woman for the rest of my life. There was the temple sealing I had long been looking forward to, but not a single member of my family was allowed in the temple, and I had another question on the back burner: Surely there’s a way to include non-member and inactive family members at a temple wedding? And don’t get me started on the Endowment ceremony. Could it be any weirder? That back burner was starting to get crowded.

# Why I left More stories of ‘Why I left’ the Mormon church
We began work at then Ricks College, later BYU Idaho, in Rexburg. Wow, if I had thought that Provo was an insular place, I was to live for three decades in a claustrophobic, narrow-minded, self-righteous community where I never entirely felt I belonged. I tried. Oh I tried. And I held the usual callings, but again the niggling. What I needed to do was try harder. Pray more. Attend that temple where I felt so uncomfortable. Read the scriptures. Put that shoulder to the wheel. I did love the many students who came and went in our lives over the years. Our three sons grew up in a safer town and played with good kids whose parents were all somehow associated with the university. But the questions were growing. What about Joseph Smith and polygamy? 30+ wives? Did he really marry children as young as 14? Did he marry married women? What were the plates for if Joseph just needed a rock in a hat? Wait– a rock in a hat? What in the world does Masonry have to do with the temple ceremony? The Book of Abraham doesn’t have anything to do with Abraham? Thank you Internet. Thank you Fawn Brodie, B.H. Roberts, Richard Bushman, Dan Vogel, William Clayton, Todd Compton, Linda King Newell and Valeen Tippetts Avery, Grant Palmer, Robert Ritner, the Tanners, the Joseph Smith Papers, and a host of podcasters. And thank you Jeremy Runnells, Letter for My Wife, and thank you Gospel Topic Essays. There’s more, so much more. And I had not been taught ANY OF IT –not at church meetings, general conference, Institute classes, BYU, a mission, a lifetime in the Mormon church. What a betrayal. I wanted it all to be true. Like so many others, I began researching and chasing footnotes not to prove the church false but to prove it true. I felt sick. I felt angry. I felt deceived. So here I am, after nearly 50 years in the church, realizing that all I had believed in is false. The keystone of my religion has come crashing down taking Joseph Smith and the doctrines of the church with it. The Mormon church is not the one true church. Joseph Smith is not a prophet. The Book of Mormon is not a true history. I don’t believe any of it because I can’t. And it has been so difficult, but it is getting better. I promise that it gets better. Now I look at the church much as I did when I was an eight year old. It’s one of many religions. And certainly there are many good believing Mormons trying to live good believing lives. But I’m out–out of the boat. And I love who I am.

https://wasmormon.org/profile/proudxmo/
Hi, I’m Maewyn (not real name)
I’m a practicing Pagan witch, I like to hike, soak in hot springs, spend time with friends, fostering cats I am a veterinary technician. Cat mom of 2. Hater of the false Mormon church and seeker of the origins. I was a Mormon.
Southwest America
Maewyn profile image for wasmormon.org
About me
I am a woman in my 30s. I fully turned my back on the church when I was about 27, but I didn’t fully leave until I was 29 when I had my spiritual awakening and began walking down the path of pagan witchery.

I was born into the church to my converted parents. My life in the church was mostly uneventful. My parents did their best to raise their family as devoted Mormons. My dad was military so we moved around a lot and have been a part of several different wards.

As for my involvement in the church, I would describe it as vanilla. I went to church because I had to. I participated in achievement days and YW because I had to, But honestly I couldn’t care less what they had to teach. I wasn’t interested in learning to be a traditional woman. sometimes I would help out with my parents’ callings when they were called to be Boy Scouts, Cub Scouts, Young Women leaders, camp leaders, and coordinators. I enjoyed these roles because they were active and outdoors, and I got out of doing the more traditional “lady activities” like sewing and personal progress. When I was 17, I left Young Women early to join the Relief Society. Shortly after that, I was called to be a nursery worker (typical, right?). I never went on a mission because I didn’t want to. A few years after graduating high school, I met my husband, who was a return missionary. Because of my parents’ Toxic marriage and the horror stories I have heard I had no intention of marrying. I was convinced that my husband was looking for the stereotypical traditional housewife. but every interaction I had with him proved that that’s not what he was interested in. he didn’t mind my firey words or wild personality. time and time again he proved my assumptions wrong. then finally after 3 years, we got married at the Palmyra temple.

For a while, I honestly tried to be a good Mormon on my own, but it’s hard to stay devoted to something you never really believed in.

 Why I left More stories of ‘Why I left’ the Mormon church
There are a lot of reasons I left the church, but if I had to sum it up, it would be these main points:

First off, I realized that a lot of what I was taught wasn’t true. The biggest thing? The idea is that if you live a devoted Mormon life, your life will be perfect. But honestly, I never saw any blessings in my life or my family’s life. The more devoted I was, the harder things seemed to get.

I was born into the church, but I never felt at peace there. Every Sunday, I’d come home angry not the “calm and renewed spirit” the church promised.

I started to see that the messages I was getting weren’t coming from a place of love. Instead, they were driven by fear and control. I was constantly told I had to obey or I’d be lost, and that pressure only led to feelings of shame, not faith or love.

These were just the basics. Here are some personal experiences that stuck with me:

One of the earliest turning points for me was when I was about 7 or 8 years old. I had a cat that was my best friend—she was there for me when I was upset, played with me when I was lonely, and even protected my family. But when she got sick, my mom encouraged me to pray for her recovery. I prayed, but a few weeks later, my cat passed away. I kept asking myself, “What did I do wrong? Did I not pray with enough faith?” I was told that He loved me enough to care for the little things. If I prayed with faith, God would answer. But He didn’t. That’s when It all started.

I’ve always been a bit of a rebel, especially when it came to the church. I hated being told what to do, and no matter how much I asked questions, I never felt like I got answers that satisfied me. I hated Achievement Days and Young Women’s. I’m not sure if this was the church’s fault or just how it played out for me, but my time in those classes was awful. My sister and I were constantly bullied by the older girls—the ones who were perfect, and beautiful, and made us feel small and worthless. I remember my first Young Women’s camping trip. Instead of it being a fun uplifting experience, my sister and I were singled out, abandoned, and always picked last. We were laughed at for the smallest mistakes, and when we tried to talk to the other girls, we were met with side eyes and cold shoulders. It was supposed to be a place of sisterhood and love, but instead, it was a toxic environment where cruelty was disguised as friendship.

I can’t help but think of how many other girls felt like I was—rejected and isolated in a place that was supposed to be welcoming. For me, the church became a place of exclusion, not inclusion.

I also never experienced the church the way others talked about it. You know those stories about families who go to a temple once and have their lives changed forever? I’ve been to multiple temples, That never happened to me.

Even when I was baptized, I was told I’d feel this amazing sense of Christ’s love and a clean slate. I was so excited about it, but when I came out of the water, I felt… wet. I thought maybe I needed the Holy Ghost to feel something, so I went through with the blessing, but still, nothing. It wasn’t some grand, spiritual moment like I was told it would be. I was just left wondering what was wrong with me.

My dad Is an abusive man, and I remember praying so many times that he would change. But nothing changed. I prayed for peace in our home, but things just kept getting worse. No blessings, no miracles.

As a woman in the church, I was taught that my “worth” was tied to having babies and serving my husband. That never sat well with me. I always believed that I had more to offer than just being a wife and a mother. I remember going through the temple and hearing the vow about women submitting to their husbands. I tried to take that vow, but the words wouldn’t come out. To me, it felt like I was signing up for enslavement. I love my husband, but I couldn’t let the church dictate my life like that.

After we got married, people started asking when we’d have kids. I told them I wanted to wait a few years, and when the time came, I wasn’t ready at all. I didn’t understand why I was so hesitant about getting pregnant. This is what I was supposed to do right? I sat down and asked myself the taboo question: “Do I even want kids?” My answer was a clear, “No.” And that was it. I felt so much relief to finally figure out where my hesitation was coming from, but now I was scared it would ruin my marriage. But when I finally told my husband, he was fine with it. He said he would be ok never becoming a dad. And that was a HUGE relief. I realized that part of my fear of having kids was because of the pressure from the church. I’m not saying that’s the only reason why I’m childless by choice. But it is a contributor. I was told my whole life my purpose was to be a broodmare. If I had kids they won.

But the final breaking point for me was how the church handled Proposition 8. The original policy statement that came out caused so much pain. Families split apart, people left the church, and some even took their own lives. Then, they revised it and said it came after “much prayer and fasting.” But that didn’t make sense to me. Why would a loving, all-powerful God need to be begged to fix something He got wrong in the first place? It felt like a group of businessmen took a gamble, lost, and then tried to cover it up.

Leaving the church wasn’t something I decided overnight. It took years of finding cracks in the foundation and moments that chipped away at my belief. For years, I tried to be the Mormon my parents could be proud of, For years, I questioned myself. What did I do wrong? What was wrong with me? I’ve concluded that The church wasn’t built for someone like me. Then after reading the CES letters about 1 year ago. I know in my heart the church isn’t true, but false.

Questions about Mormons My Answers to Questions about Mormonism
#Link to this answer of ‘Are you happy?’ by Maewyn Are you happy? See more answers about ‘Are you happy?’
Yes! Ever since I fully left the church, I have never been happier.

#Link to this answer of ‘Are you lazy? Is that why you left?’ by Maewyn Are you lazy? Is that why you left? See more answers about ‘Are you lazy? Is that why you left?’
No. I didn’t leave because I was lazy. I left because I did exactly what I was told and they let me down on so many levels

#Link to this answer of ‘Are Mormons Christian?’ by Maewyn Are Mormons Christian? See more answers about ‘Are Mormons Christian?’
That is a loaded question. When I left the church, I did a lot of research, and in my opinion, the church is Christian to an extent. They are Christian enough to receive tax breaks and prestige, but they are not fully Christian. The church claims to be Christian because they “believe in Christ,” but other Christian branches will tell you that there is more to it. I would recommend doing research, starting with the Council of Nicaea.

#Link to this answer of ‘Any suggestions about how to deal with my still-Mormon family?’ by Maewyn Any suggestions about how to deal with my still-Mormon family? See more answers about ‘Any suggestions about how to deal with my still-Mormon family?’
These suggestions have worked for me and my family, but they may not work for everyone else:
Be respectful and polite.
Set reasonable boundaries and enforce them (e.g., “No, I will not say prayer or read scriptures”).
Be patient; they don’t know any better and they don’t understand what you’ve been through.
Be slow to anger, but don’t be a pushover.
Be honest.
Know when to compromise.
Don’t try to talk them out of the church or force them to see things from your point of view. If they’re not willing to listen and learn, you’re just going to hit a wall. If they want to leave the church that is something they will need to do on their own. all you can do is provide guidance.
Find your tribe. Surround yourself with people who support your views. I have my husband, who is my biggest cheerleader, and I learn from my never-Mormon friends every day about what’s normal and what’s not.
Have confidence in yourself. They may say things to tear you down or pressure you to come back, but you KNOW the truth. You have no regrets about your decision.
Remember, they are acting per their programming—they don’t know any better.
Don’t fight with them, Debate and Educate.
Be yourself as much as you can manage.
“You’re just an angel who goes along with heaven as far as he can.”
— Crowley, Good Omens

#Link to this answer of ‘Can Mormons Drink Coffee?’ by Maewyn Can Mormons Drink Coffee? See more answers about ‘Can Mormons Drink Coffee?’
No. The church leaders have made it very clear that any form of coffee is prohibited. If a member were to willingly drink coffee they will lose their ability to go to the temple. To Mormons, that’s a very big deal.

#Link to this answer of ‘Can you describe the type of faith you had prior to your loss of faith?’ by Maewyn Can you describe the type of faith you had prior to your loss of faith? See more answers about ‘Can you describe the type of faith you had prior to your loss of faith?’
My faith was strong, I believed in the church and the gospel as much as I believed I was a person. though my testimony would ebb and flow. For me, your testimony is the foundation of your faith. My testimony would ebb, but I believed things would improve. But when my testimony shattered, my faith fell as well.

#Link to this answer of ‘Did you receive a patriarchal blessing? What did the experience mean to you?’ by Maewyn Did you receive a patriarchal blessing? What did the experience mean to you? See more answers about ‘Did you receive a patriarchal blessing? What did the experience mean to you?’
No, as I was taught, a Patriarchal Blessing (PB) was essentially a telling of your future. I didn’t see how being told my future could be considered a blessing. At the time, I was very much against getting married and having children, and honestly, the main reason I didn’t want a PB was because I was afraid it would tell me I had to. Also, getting a PB doesn’t change your fate, so what was the point?

#Link to this answer of ‘Did you want to sin? Is that why you left?’ by Maewyn Did you want to sin? Is that why you left? See more answers about ‘Did you want to sin? Is that why you left?’
No, I left because of the lies and betrayal I felt within the church. When I fully left, I learned that none of it was true—like, NONE of what the church is or teaches is true. This realization made it a lot easier to live. A lot of what the church teaches as sin is just normal living

#Link to this answer of ‘Do Mormons Believe in a Loving God?’ by Maewyn Do Mormons Believe in a Loving God? See more answers about ‘Do Mormons Believe in a Loving God?’
yes, They believe that God’s love is eternal and unconditional. they don’t see that to get that love, some conditions need to be met.

#Link to this answer of ‘Do you believe the Book of Mormon is true?’ by Maewyn Do you believe the Book of Mormon is true? See more answers about ‘Do you believe the Book of Mormon is true?’
No.
The book is 100% fabricated. If you want further evidence, read the C.E.S. Letters and watch the South Park episode. They explain it better than I can.

#Link to this answer of ‘Do you consider yourself a Christian?’ by Maewyn Do you consider yourself a Christian? See more answers about ‘Do you consider yourself a Christian?’
No,
I will never associate myself with Christians or any other Christian organization. It also doesn’t help that I became a pagan witch about two years after I left.

#Link to this answer of ‘Do you hang out with other ex-Mormons?’ by Maewyn Do you hang out with other ex-Mormons? See more answers about ‘Do you hang out with other ex-Mormons?’
Surprisingly, no. I just haven’t found any, except for one recently, but it was a one-time thing. It was so nice to speak to someone who shares the same views, and we trauma-dumped together.

#Link to this answer of ‘Has the church been dishonest with its own history?’ by Maewyn Has the church been dishonest with its own history? See more answers about ‘Has the church been dishonest with its own history?’
Yes, the C.E.S. Letters are a great source to learn from. I also recommend the Mormon Stories podcast and Alyssa Greenfield.

#Link to this answer of ‘Does the Mormon church protect sexual predators?’ by Maewyn Does the Mormon church protect sexual predators? See more answers about ‘Does the Mormon church protect sexual predators?’
Yes, there are so many stories from all over the world. How can they all be lies?

#Link to this answer of ‘Has your struggle improved since you left?’ by Maewyn Has your struggle improved since you left? See more answers about ‘Has your struggle improved since you left?’
YES, TREMENDOUSLY!! I’ve always noticed that the more devout you are, the more trials you face. Since leaving, my quality of life has improved so much. Life gets better when you live for your life and not for your death.

#Link to this answer of ‘Have you had any profound spiritual moments in your life?’ by Maewyn Have you had any profound spiritual moments in your life? See more answers about ‘Have you had any profound spiritual moments in your life?’
Yes, both inside and outside of the church, but the more powerful and influential experiences have been from outside. Being a witch is my flavor of spirituality. Without the limitations of the church, my spiritual experiences are more profound and have helped me heal and become a better person.

#Link to this answer of ‘How did you come to be Mormon? Were you raised in the church?’ by Maewyn How did you come to be Mormon? Were you raised in the church? See more answers about ‘How did you come to be Mormon? Were you raised in the church?’
I was born into it. My parents where converts.

#Link to this answer of ‘How did you feel and what did you experience as a result of your loss of faith?’ by Maewyn How did you feel and what did you experience as a result of your loss of faith? See more answers about ‘How did you feel and what did you experience as a result of your loss of faith?’
I felt angry and was easily triggered whenever the church was brought up. I cried a lot and I couldn’t figure out why I had these strong feelings for a church, even though I didn’t associate myself with it anymore. At my most desperate I had a revelation. I was in mourning. I may have felt resentment toward the church for most of my time in it. But I did believe in the church once upon a time. Once I recognized that, I was finally able to let go, move away from the church, and heal.

#Link to this answer of ‘How do you currently feel about the church?’ by Maewyn How do you currently feel about the church? See more answers about ‘How do you currently feel about the church?’
I hate it, and I enjoy watching it bring itself down with its own hubris. It’s a church of lies, and it needs to go away. If the church is going to survive this hemorrhage of members, they will have to drastically downsize from a religious organization to a society, like the Masons or Shriners.

#Link to this answer of ‘How do you now explain the spiritual experiences that you had as an Orthodox Mormon?’ by Maewyn How do you now explain the spiritual experiences that you had as an Orthodox Mormon? See more answers about ‘How do you now explain the spiritual experiences that you had as an Orthodox Mormon?’
They are legit. You don’t need a religion or God to have a spiritual experience. listening to music can be just as spiritual.

#Link to this answer of ‘How has your leaving Mormonism affected your family relationships, friendships, job, neighbor relationships, social life, etc.?’ by Maewyn How has your leaving Mormonism affected your family relationships, friendships, job, neighbor relationships, social life, etc.? See more answers about ‘How has your leaving Mormonism affected your family relationships, friendships, job, neighbor relationships, social life, etc.?’
I’m still in contact with my family. I’m lucky to have a family that chose me over the church, but the relationship is strained. I have to hold back a bit because it makes them uncomfortable, and I don’t want to offend them so much that I’m banished. They have their thoughts on what is right, and I have mine, and sometimes they clash.
everyone else outside my family knows I’m an exmo and have some “strong feelings” towards it. but for the most part. they don’t care

#Link to this answer of ‘How long was your struggle?’ by Maewyn How long was your struggle? See more answers about ‘How long was your struggle?’
29 years

#Link to this answer of ‘What advice would you give to someone interested in joining the Mormon Church? Or for that matter, someone interested in leaving the Mormon Church?’ by Maewyn What advice would you give to someone interested in joining the Mormon Church? Or for that matter, someone interested in leaving the Mormon Church? See more answers about ‘What advice would you give to someone interested in joining the Mormon Church? Or for that matter, someone interested in leaving the Mormon Church?’
To someone joining the church: you’re better off without it, you don’t need it, but if you want to investigate this, research EVERYTHING and question EVERYTHING. Have a healthy level of skepticism around it. If you can learn everything about the church and still want to join, then the church is meant for you.

To someone leaving: I’d give them a high five and express how glorious their journey will be. It’s going to be hard. It’s going to suck. But when you get through it, it will be for the better. Life outside is SO much better than inside.

#Link to this answer of ‘What do you call yourself now that you aren’t mormon?’ by Maewyn What do you call yourself now that you aren’t mormon? See more answers about ‘What do you call yourself now that you aren’t mormon?’
An eclectic pagan witch

#Link to this answer of ‘what would you say to someone who says they would stay in the church even if it was proven to be false?’ by Maewyn what would you say to someone who says they would stay in the church even if it was proven to be false? See more answers about ‘what would you say to someone who says they would stay in the church even if it was proven to be false?’
you’re a coward with no self-respect.

#Link to this answer of ‘Why are you sharing your story?’ by Maewyn Why are you sharing your story? See more answers about ‘Why are you sharing your story?’
I’m angry. I hate it. I want to share my experience. The people need to know the truth. People need to be saved from the hardship of a faith like this. It is also empowering and cathartic. It gives a voice to those who may not find the words to express it. Sharing stories is also a way to let them know that they are not alone.

#Link to this answer of ‘Why don’t you leave the mormon church alone?’ by Maewyn Why don’t you leave the mormon church alone? See more answers about ‘Why don’t you leave the mormon church alone?’
Because it’s something harmful, I won’t just sit back and ignore it. I spent years in it, and now I’m speaking up. If they can push their beliefs on everyone, I sure as hell can share my truth. If the church didn’t want us speaking out, they shouldn’t have taught us to be persistent missionaries.

#Link to this answer of ‘What do you feel or know about the Book of Mormon and DNA Studies?’ by Maewyn What do you feel or know about the Book of Mormon and DNA Studies? See more answers about ‘What do you feel or know about the Book of Mormon and DNA Studies?’
DNA studies show no genetic link between Native Americans and ancient Jewish populations, which contradicts the Book of Mormon’s claim that Native Americans are descended from Lamanites, ancient Jews. When I heard this, I wasn’t frustrated—I just laughed. Of course, more lies. The church’s attempt to explain away these findings by adjusting narratives to fit the scientific evidence only deepens my distrust. It confirmed what I already knew: it’s all fabricated. If this doesn’t make someone question their faith or leave, I honestly don’t know what will. People are so devoted they are blind to the obvious truth

#Link to this answer of ‘Which version of the First Vision do you prefer?’ by Maewyn Which version of the First Vision do you prefer? See more answers about ‘Which version of the First Vision do you prefer?’
I think being visited by a raging fire tornado would be pretty cool. Feels quite biblical. Like Moses and the burning bush.

#Link to this answer of ‘How did your spouse react when you left/ became inactive/ were disfellowshipped/ were excommunicated?’ by Maewyn How did your spouse react when you left/ became inactive/ were disfellowshipped/ were excommunicated? See more answers about ‘How did your spouse react when you left/ became inactive/ were disfellowshipped/ were excommunicated?’
My husband is a man of unwavering love, He loves me for who I am—completely and without condition. From the very beginning, he understood that I had never truly had the chance to discover myself. He gave me the space to grow, the freedom to be. As long as I’m being true to myself, smart and safe, he doesn’t need me to be anything other than who I am.

I often tell people that if God’s love is even half of the love my husband has for me, we’ll all be incredibly lucky. He stands by me, not because I am perfect or because I fit into some idea, but because he simply wants me to be me.

Many times I thought, that this would be the end of us. When I told him I was a pagan witch, I was certain he would walk away. I believed, deep in my heart, that one day he would wake up and say, ‘This isn’t what I signed up for,’ and that would be the end of it. I feared that as I shed the skin of who I was in the church, he would leave.

But no. Even as I went through my metamorphosis, even when I became someone new, he stayed. He stayed and he loved me, offering support, counsel, and unconditional love, without ever asking me to be anyone but the woman I’ve become.

#Link to this answer of ‘What did and do you feel about the Mormon Temple Ceremony?’ by Maewyn What did and do you feel about the Mormon Temple Ceremony? See more answers about ‘What did and do you feel about the Mormon Temple Ceremony?’
I remember bits and pieces. To be fair, I didn’t care what was going on so I wasn’t paying attention and didn’t grasp the weight of the ceremonies. I got endowed the same day I got married. I do remember that part where they make women vow to obey their husbands as they obey god. I could say yes to it. not like a tried but the words stopped in my throat. but to me, it sounded like a verbal agreement to enslavement.

I do remember going through the veil and I held my husband’s hand through the veil and “begged” to enter. I remember thinking that the overwhelming love I felt in my heart as I held my husband’s hand and said those words would be the same one when I met Jesus and “begged” to be let in. I can’t remember the words being said but I remember feeling like I was begging to be let in.

My name is Pamela McCreary
and I’m an Ex Mormon
Pamela McCreary profile image for wasmormon.org
About me
“When our leaders speak, the thinking has been done. When they propose a plan–it is God’s plan. When they point the way, there is no other which is safe. When they give direction, it should mark the end of controversy. God works in no other way. To think otherwise, without immediate repentance, may cost one his faith, may destroy his testimony, and leave him a stranger to the kingdom of God.”
~Ward Teachers’ message from the Improvement Era, June 1945

As a freshman at Ricks College, now BYU/Idaho, in 1973, replete in modest dress and full battle-make-up, that sentiment waged war with who I wanted to be: an actress, a bohemian, a performer.

But it was at Ricks where I received the Patriarchal Blessing that informed me of my calling in life: wife and mother. No, not Broadway bound, was I. The leaders spoke. I changed my major from theater and set my sights on my MRS.

In truth, the aforementioned sentiment was always at odds with my rebellious nature, but I truly longed for the blessings born of obedience and righteousness: peace, happiness, contentment, prosperity, etc. I did not want to be a stranger to God. So I truncated that part of myself to “follow the leaders.” My world was very black and white.

Temple marriage at twenty-one set my course. Nine months later the first of my three children was born. Celestial marriage, motherhood and church work, all things I had been told were my path to eternal happiness were in motion. The trouble was I was disappearing into somebody else’s life. But I pressed on so as not to lose my place in the kingdom.

It would be inaccurate to say I did not have doubts, I did. I just never gave them fertile soil in which to thrive. I was taught that questioning leads to apostasy and opens the door to Satan. At thirty-five years old I discovered the former was true, the latter a lie.

My journey began with a book, Joseph Smith, The First Mormon, recommended to me by a friend. Little did I realize that the portrait of the man I revered and sang songs to in Sacrament Service was a nineteenth-century Warren Jeffs. I began to think, what else don’t I know about the church and its origins? All I had been privy to was the white-washed historical version that emanated from the church’s multi-million dollar PR machine.

As I researched the church’s history, an arduous task conducted pre-internet, the fabric of my testimony was rent in twain and in 1989, I officially resigned my membership in the “Lord’s Church.”

In the ensuing years I have found all the things that eluded me as a faithful Mormon: peace, happiness, contentment, prosperity, etc. I am living the life of my own creation, not the one assigned to me. I am happier than I have ever been, and I no longer have moments of terror when I think, “What if they are right and I really am deceived?” The truth has indeed set me free.

My name is Pamela McCreary
https://wasmormon.org/profile/pamelamccreary/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycx5XMjkZj0
and I’m an Ex Mormon
Pamela McCreary profile image for wasmormon.org
About me
“When our leaders speak, the thinking has been done. When they propose a plan–it is God’s plan. When they point the way, there is no other which is safe. When they give direction, it should mark the end of controversy. God works in no other way. To think otherwise, without immediate repentance, may cost one his faith, may destroy his testimony, and leave him a stranger to the kingdom of God.”
~Ward Teachers’ message from the Improvement Era, June 1945

As a freshman at Ricks College, now BYU/Idaho, in 1973, replete in modest dress and full battle-make-up, that sentiment waged war with who I wanted to be: an actress, a bohemian, a performer.

But it was at Ricks where I received the Patriarchal Blessing that informed me of my calling in life: wife and mother. No, not Broadway bound, was I. The leaders spoke. I changed my major from theater and set my sights on my MRS.

In truth, the aforementioned sentiment was always at odds with my rebellious nature, but I truly longed for the blessings born of obedience and righteousness: peace, happiness, contentment, prosperity, etc. I did not want to be a stranger to God. So I truncated that part of myself to “follow the leaders.” My world was very black and white.

Temple marriage at twenty-one set my course. Nine months later the first of my three children was born. Celestial marriage, motherhood and church work, all things I had been told were my path to eternal happiness were in motion. The trouble was I was disappearing into somebody else’s life. But I pressed on so as not to lose my place in the kingdom.

It would be inaccurate to say I did not have doubts, I did. I just never gave them fertile soil in which to thrive. I was taught that questioning leads to apostasy and opens the door to Satan. At thirty-five years old I discovered the former was true, the latter a lie.

My journey began with a book, Joseph Smith, The First Mormon, recommended to me by a friend. Little did I realize that the portrait of the man I revered and sang songs to in Sacrament Service was a nineteenth-century Warren Jeffs. I began to think, what else don’t I know about the church and its origins? All I had been privy to was the white-washed historical version that emanated from the church’s multi-million dollar PR machine.

As I researched the church’s history, an arduous task conducted pre-internet, the fabric of my testimony was rent in twain and in 1989, I officially resigned my membership in the “Lord’s Church.”

In the ensuing years I have found all the things that eluded me as a faithful Mormon: peace, happiness, contentment, prosperity, etc. I am living the life of my own creation, not the one assigned to me. I am happier than I have ever been, and I no longer have moments of terror when I think, “What if they are right and I really am deceived?” The truth has indeed set me free.

My name is Emily Lacock
https://wasmormon.org/profile/emilylacock/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWp9l0qTFC0
and I’m an Ex Mormon
Emily Lacock profile image for wasmormon.org
About me
The fact that sexual abuse is all too familiar to people both inside and outside of the Mormon Church was a major factor for me deciding to share my experience about sexual abuse.

Unfortunately, my story is many times brighter than that of many abused Latter-Day Saints. After coming to terms with the abuse and my feelings toward it I have been able to have open dialogues with my parents and friends.

Let me be clear, I was not told directly that I was to blame, I was not counseled by a bishop to believe that I had committed a terrible sin. Those judgements were based on my perception of god that I had learned through my experience in the Mormon Church and events in my life.

Many members of the Mormon Church who have experienced abuse, with its many faces, HAVE been told that they are sinners. For some, as it was for me, healing begins with and is sustained through self-love, and love from others.. For others, healing begins with the very retelling of the event. It is critical that there exists a space in which people feel safe to share the experiences of their lives.

If that safe, loving space is not found within the religious community a person is a part of, there is an obvious problem with the doctrine that is directing the leaders and members of said community.

In my experience, there is a problem with the directing doctrine of the Mormon Church where a person risks losing support of their loved ones when an individual makes an educated, heartfelt decision regarding their personal life.

I must clarify that, while I realize that certain situations with men make me uncomfortable based on my history, I am not, in any way suggesting that my queerness started with my sexual abuse.

Becoming skeptical about my belief in god opened my mind beyond the “laws of god” that I had been led to believe and had been taught that adhering to were my only option for “true” happiness.

I feel clean, I am happy, and most of all I am empowered. My eyes and heart are open to people, to their individual struggles, to their victories. We all deserve to feel and experience love and support.

While in the LGBT community formal rights are vastly important, the greater struggle is toward a literal rewriting of “social laws” to include and respect people of all sexual and gender minorities. As I mentioned, I am part of a campaign at Utah Valley University named “It’s Safe OUT Here” to move forward with the struggle to promote respect and include people of all sexual and gender minorities.

It’s Safe Out Here is calling for all LGBT and allied folks throughout Utah County and attending Utah Valley University to “come out of the closet” and share themselves and their stories with their associates, friends and families.

My personal goal is that through this campaign at UVU and in Utah County we can begin the deconstruction of homophobia, repeal negative consequences of stereotypes and pejoratives as well as build a healthy, open group of LGBT and allied peoples amongst, and hopefully someday with, Mormons.

My name is Emily Lacock and I’m an Ex Mormon.

Emily’s blog about her “It’s Safe Out Here” campaign can be found here: safeouthere.blogspot.com/

My name is Eva!
https://wasmormon.org/profile/eva/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFgkYUxSpwI

I finally, completely, love myself. I’m an Ex Mormon.
Eva profile image for wasmormon.org
About me
In April of 2005 I married a wonderful returned missionary in the Temple. We had a good Mormon marriage and did all the things we were supposed to. We were faithful and obedient.

Why I left More stories of ‘Why I left’ the Mormon church
In January of 2007 he told me about how he had started looking into the origins of the church. He had started reading the history and because of many accounts and facts which were never taught to us, was starting to have doubts. I was horrified because anyone that really truly understands LDS doctrine knows that if your spouse doesn’t live the standards, you can’t be with them forever. There is some clause about possibly keeping them regardless but it is a gamble for the eternities; you can’t drag someone to “heaven.”

By April of that year it became abundantly clear to me that my husband had lost his belief in the LDS faith. I started talking to my bishop about what to do with the situation. I started asking questions myself and got his parents involved and also made the situation known to my family.

Everyone hoped for the best; we all wanted to keep hoping that my husband would see the error of his questioning ways and pray “for real,” after which he would of course get his testimony back. He did pray for real, he did give it a real shot, and nothing. He was sincere, and I couldn’t understand why he was not getting the answer he was supposed to. I was shocked and by then was having panic attacks regularly because this man was in essence, immediately or at some point in time before the eternities, going to destroy my marriage and my eternity with him.

It was horrible and I wouldn’t want anybody to go through what I did — a true nightmare.

My stake president told me that likely my husband was hooked on porn which made my situation undesirable and inhospitable for future babies. But he didn’t say the words “leave him”.

My bishop also had concerns about possible porn addiction (not at all the issue) and that there was possibly likely any number of issues as well as porn addiction. Heaven forbid that Joe was actually reading the history of the church and was actually having doubts for legitimate reasons. I told him that I had decided to leave, and in a blessing he told me that I had made the right decision. But he didn’t say the words “leave him”.

My parent’s bishop told them to bring their daughter home, to get her out of there. Their stake president also didn’t say to have her “leave him” but you get the idea.

Not a single leader asked Joe why he was having doubts, or even if he really was having doubts for justifiable reasons. They weren’t interested. They’re trained not to expose themselves to facts that might rattle their convictions.

In the temple one day, I made my final decision when in a blessing finally I was told to “leave him” by God apparently.

So I left. December 2007.

This was a decision that was indeed often made and encouraged during the formation and exodus eras of the early church. Strangely, staying with good but apostate spouses was unacceptable, but Joseph Smith marrying and sharing his bed with girls as young as 14 and women who had living husbands was.

I thought of going back after the divorce was final but my bishop at the time told me to not get back together with him. Essentially, his reason was that happiness and the opportunity for a good family life take a back seat to whether or not the marriage will be sanctioned by God. I have seen plenty of God-fearing LDS marriages that lack happiness and are not an ideal place for children for a number of reasons. This is an issue and a tragedy.

Anyone who does have faith in this church might look at the paragraphs above and wonder how I can discount apparent blessings and prayers and counsel from the highest sources and instead be with this man.

Well, he is a good man; a man I shouldn’t have left. The counsel I received was from good people, but I refuse to believe any loving higher power would have wanted me to suffer the pain of a divorce and leave what was going to be a good family and would have been so out of the loop of who this guy really was as to tell me to leave.

More than that, I’ve never been happier in my entire life. I never felt the kind of love before that I now feel for Joe, for myself, and for other people in general. There is no ulterior motive in any of my relationships; Joe is not going to be my partner in Godhood someday and so I’m quite happy with the kind of human being that he is. I’m extremely surprised about my level of openness to people now that I don’t feel I have to convert them or suffer the torment of knowing I could have given them the pass-along card but didn’t.

It’s been a year and a half since I left the church and I feel that I have learned more about life and about the world I live in during that time than during the 20-something years before leaving. I have gained a respect for nature that was impossible when I believed that humans had dominion over animals and plants and that everything was created for human use and consumption; I have found humility in knowing that I am connected not only to the food I eat and the animals I interact with through DNA and common ancestry, but I am a part of the universe, “stuff of the stars” as Carl Sagan puts it, living on “a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.” Knowing that this time on this rock is all I get is at once a relief and a challenge to use it for what it’s worth not waiting for the end of this life to fully appreciate my existence.

And I finally, completely, love myself. That alone might be worth everything.

I’m not perfect, but I’m a damned good great ape that loves life, sees it for what it is and is busy enjoying it to the fullest! I’m Eva and I’m an ex-Mormon.

Resources that Eva found helpful in her journey:

Hi, I’m The Soul Fairy
https://wasmormon.org/profile/thesoulfairy/
I am an artist who longs for motherhood and enjoys making people feel pretty. I was mormon.
thesoulfairy profile image for wasmormon.org
instagram
other
About me
I was raised in a faithful household with a lot of messaging surrounding my entire life. I didn’t start questioning until I made Christian friends. Our conversations led to me wondering if I was in the true Church of the bible. I started praying and humbling myself. I left after a conversion experience and a rebirth as the spirit spoke through my friend’s dad. Now I dedicate myself to helping others leave.

# Why I left More stories of ‘Why I left’ the Mormon church
Polygamy, the shady history, the contradictions with the Bible, confusion about who was the target of my worship, never feeling the peace of the spirit… I could go on for hours.

Questions about Mormons My Answers to Questions about Mormonism
#Link to this answer of ‘Are Mormons Christian?’ by thesoulfairy Are Mormons Christian? See more answers about ‘Are Mormons Christian?’
HAH! No!
I have done a lot of research on this topic because it was something I was very stubborn about while I was still a member.
The core belief that unites Christians is the knowledge that Jesus was God in the flesh come to die for us. If you do not believe Jesus is God, you do not believe in Jesus as the Bible reveals him, so you are therefore not a Christian.
You have to do a lot of misreading of the Bible to come to any conclusion besides the Trinity.
Moral is you can’t carve off an entirely new God and claim you share the same religion as the people you stole that idea from.

#Link to this answer of ‘Can you describe the type of faith you had prior to your loss of faith?’ by thesoulfairy Can you describe the type of faith you had prior to your loss of faith? See more answers about ‘Can you describe the type of faith you had prior to your loss of faith?’
I had stubborn pride in being unique. My religion was different and quirky and so radical, I felt like I was at this higher level of knowledge. I didn’t even dare consider that I might be wrong until I realized I really want kids, and what I teach them I wanted to be sure it was true. So I did the unthinkable.
I humbled myself.

#Link to this answer of ‘Do you believe the Book of Mormon is true?’ by thesoulfairy Do you believe the Book of Mormon is true? See more answers about ‘Do you believe the Book of Mormon is true?’
No. See the Expedition Bible Video on Bible Vs. Book of Mormon Archeology for why.
(Note: I did not watch this video until after I was already a Christian.)

#Link to this answer of ‘Are you happy?’ by thesoulfairy Are you happy? See more answers about ‘Are you happy?’
The happiest I have ever been! Having lived 17 years constantly in and out of depression, having random panic attacks, and feeling completely responsible for fixing myself, then beating myself up every time I failed, I can say with complete confidence that having Jesus without all the extra add-ons is a better way to live.

#Link to this answer of ‘Have you had any profound spiritual moments in your life?’ by thesoulfairy Have you had any profound spiritual moments in your life? See more answers about ‘Have you had any profound spiritual moments in your life?’
Yes. All during/after my conversion, or at a Christian friend’s house.
The day I converted away I experienced the weirdest thing ever. A bit of context, I am ADHD and severely fidgety and emotional. So naturally it is hard to calm me down and get me to sit still and not shake. After the long conversation that ended in my conversion I was offered blessings from the two Christian men of the house. I accepted them. Everyone around me (at least the females) were all still sobbing by the end of it, but I was not. My tears were gone, my body was still. I felt like I was in the warmest, most amazing hug ever. That was when I received the spirit, almost a whole decade after my laying on of hands.
I’ve had several more like that one when I’ve been extremely down and prayed desperately.
The one from before my conversion I remember so clearly was the driving day. Me and my friends went shopping on a normal day and on the way back to their house I had a panic attack while I was driving. I managed to autopilot my way there, getting us there safely and finishing my panic attack in their front room. It was the longest one I have ever had, ten minutes or so. It didn’t end until my friend sat down and prayed over me. It stopped as soon as she was done. Coincidence? I think NOT!

Wanted to remain pure and delightsome
https://wasmormon.org/profile/wyolds/
I loved the church so much, with all my heart. Then the bishop asked me some questions.
wyolds profile image for wasmormon.org
About me
I grew up in Orem, not far from the theater on main street. Our neighborhood had lots of apple trees and places to enjoy. Then it got crowded and harder to enjoy. I do wish I had moved sooner.

# Why I left More stories of ‘Why I left’ the Mormon church
I had some doubts about the church but all my friends were active. I wanted to believe but found it harder and harder.

My name is Erica and I was raised as a Mormon with pioneer ancestors from both parents.
https://wasmormon.org/profile/ehaner/
I was a mormon, but the church no longer serves me in a healthy way.
Oregon
Erica Haner profile image for wasmormon.org
About me
My favorite part about me is that I’m spiritual. I thought this made me a valuable Mormon, but as I explored the church history, I found out that personal revelation doesn’t keep you a member.

 On my shelf
whitewashed church historyauthorityblacks and the priesthoodpolygamyFanny AlgerLGBTQ issuestithing spending
 On the Mormon Spectrum
ChristianFaith CrisisLGBTQ+ AllyFeministSpiritualResigned
# Why I left More stories of ‘Why I left’ the Mormon church
I left because of a simple problem and a prayer asking for a solution for the problem. The answer I received in prayer did not match my taught expectations. All I wanted to know was “How should I pay tithing?” I expected to hear, “Make sure to pay 10% of your own income.” But instead I heard, “You do not need to pay any more money to this church.”

Wow! What a great start to a snowball effect. If I don’t pay tithing, I can’t go to the temple. If I can’t go to the temple, I don’t have to wear my garments. If I don’t wear my garments during the week, should I be untruthful and wear them on Sunday? If I don’t wear my garments, other Mormons will be able to tell and judge me. I would rather not go to church and be judged. If I don’t go to the LDS church, then I can finally attend other churches. I would love to attend other churches!

I was relieved to leave the many rules, policies and expectations of the Mormon church! Shortly after removing my garments, I remember attending a family birthday party and feeling like I could finally love and fully accept my family members who weren’t Mormon. I didn’t have to be a superior example or pray that someday they would except the church beliefs and live with the rest of us in a celestial kingdom for eternity. Such bull shit!

I now know God is bigger than the Mormon church. God’s love reaches all his children in what ever form they are willing to receive it. There is no “one true church.” Jesus Christ died on the cross for all of us to return to God, that is why the veil in the temple torn after his death. Because of Christ’s death, there is no need for a temple. Temples were a mean to repent through sacrifice. Christ has payed the ultimate sacrifice and all we have to do is believe in him and we will be able to return to God someday. That’s it. That’s as far as my testimony goes.

I’m sure my testimony of Jesus Christ will change over time. My hope is that I continue believing in him and God. From the start of leaving the Mormon church, my greatest fear was to loose my spirituality which is based on Christ. Just like some believe in Santa and the magic of Christmas, I believe in Christ and the magic of Christianity. I don’t want to loose it or him!

I have made my story very simple, but it is more complex. While in the church, I loved learning of its history and would come upon conflicting issues that I would justify and put away from myself so I could focus on being a good Mormon. Those conflicting issues did help me leave when God finally gave me a way out. I had also been struggling with depression, never feeling like I was good enough.

I remember finally asking for contentment because I was on the brink of suicide. Once I had realized I had suicide ideation, I stopped praying for happiness and started praying for contentment. I think that’s why God gave me the answer he did about tithing. I no longer wanted to subscribe to the Mormons ways of finding happiness. I had tried them and they lead me into a viscous cycle of unattainable goals. My desires had changed and so God lead me to contentment.

Questions about Mormons My Answers to Questions about Mormonism
#Link to this answer of ‘Did you want to sin? Is that why you left?’ by Erica Haner Did you want to sin? Is that why you left? See more answers about ‘Did you want to sin? Is that why you left?’
I often tell myself that I didn’t leave because of sin. However, I did break the sabbath often by taking my boys to their AAU club basketball games after church and I did try marijuana gummies once before leaving. I guess for those reasons, my Mormon friends can use me as a cautionary tale (ha ha ha).

I can laugh because in my eyes now, they are no longer huge crimes. It’s such a relief now that I don’t need to. I can drink and eat whatever I want because I’m a grown adult who can still be responsible while doing so. I also love that my kids have an extra day in the week to enjoy life and have Sunday serve them spiritually, mentally and physically.

#Link to this answer of ‘Did the gospel topic essays help your faith crisis?’ by Erica Haner Did the gospel topic essays help your faith crisis? See more answers about ‘Did the gospel topic essays help your faith crisis?’
I’m surprised that the gospel topic essays don’t pull more people I know away. They try to be honest but are deceptive at the same time. The 2 that bothered me most are on the priesthood and polygamy. I hurt for the blacks who lost their priesthood rights and succinctly  family rights. Why does the church refuse to apologize for taking the priesthood away from blacks when they know Brigham Young was not God lead in doing so? I also grieve for early European immigrant converts who were told by missionaries that church didn’t practice polygamy only to find out after a life threatening journey to the Salt Lake valley that they do. I can’t imagine the pain those wives bore when their husbands agreed to practice polygamy and bring in new wives. It makes me want to vomit! I don’t want to be a part of a church that recognizes their wrongs but makes no apologies. I don’t want to be a part of a church that actively marginalizes blacks and women by doing so.

#Link to this answer of ‘Do you consider yourself a Christian?’ by Erica Haner Do you consider yourself a Christian? See more answers about ‘Do you consider yourself a Christian?’
I consider myself Christian, but I’m relearning what that means. I am going to a community church with my children and I’m meeting regularly with a religion professor who has given me books to read. I love learning and I’m grateful that God has provided so many resources to continue to grow towards him!

Hi, I’m Veronika.
https://wasmormon.org/profile/veronika-tait/
I am a mother, wife, psychology professor, and writer. I was a mormon.
veronika.tait profile image for wasmormon.org
other
About me
I was raised LDS and grew up in South Jordan, UT. I was the first to walk away from the church in my immediate family at the age of 29.

# Why I left More stories of ‘Why I left’ the Mormon church
You can read about my journey from Mormon to secular humanist here: medium.com/@veronikatait/…
https://medium.com/@veronikatait/so-what-are-you-now-a-godless-commie-ee293139133e

Hello, I’m Sydney.
https://wasmormon.org/profile/sydrr10/
I was a mormon.
sydrr10 profile image for wasmormon.org
About me
I live in California and I’m 18 years old. For context, I was born into the church, and up until about 2 years ago, I went every Sunday, attended every fireside and activity, prayed daily, attended seminary, and read the scriptures. My dad has been in the bishopric for decades, and my mom has been Relief Society President and Young Women’s President. My older sister went on a mission and attends BYU. The perfect, cookie-cutter mormon family.

 On the Mormon Spectrum
LGBTQ+ AllyFeministAtheistAnti MormonMixed-Faith Home
# Why I left More stories of ‘Why I left’ the Mormon church
So what happened to me?
Although it took me several years to leave, I would say my doubts started in middle school. It was at this time that I learned about the LGBTQ+ community, and I quickly became a firm ally. Which brought my next question: Why isn’t there a place for queer people in church? I asked my mom and my dad (the bishop at the time) and they both gave me the same answer: God hasn’t revealed everything he is going to reveal, so just have faith and put it on a shelf. And I did, I “doubted my doubts” and moved on.
I wasn’t happy to be in church from the point on. I made it a point to keep members of the church out of my social life, because they were too suffocating. I still served my callings and attended seminary and did the things I was supposed to. Then the summer after my sophomore year, I realized that I was actually queer myself (shocker). How was I supposed to “put it on a shelf” now?
From this moment on, I put distance between myself on the church. I started to develop my own morals and political opinions, and synchronously started to see the many flaws of the church. But I couldn’t just forget the years and years of LDS knowledge I had, so I started digging deeper.
I did my research, from sources inside the church and out. The breaking point, as I’m sure it was for many, was the CES letter. I read it all in one night, and cried through the whole thing. Nothing had ever seemed as definitive as that did before. For one last time, I prayed more sincerely than I ever has before for an answer. Nothing. And I haven’t looked back since. I haven’t stopped researching and learning, of course, because I hope maybe my knowledge on this discourse can help other find the truth. 

Parallels Between Islam and Mormonism
General Discussion
Hello all you are there heathens and believers. I’m an exmuslim from Turkey who was a Muslim for 20 years, who knows Muslim theology better than Muslims and I am reading about Mormonism for like three years you may ask why, because my major is Pyschology and minor is philosophy and I want to work with cults, I want to be a both clinician and academician.

So let me start, first of all

-Origins:

Islam and Muhammad say that Islam is the one true religion and say that it was the ancient religion where everyone believed in the ancient times and other religions like Christianity, Judaism etc. is wrong because they lost the originality. Adam and all the prophets believed in this religion from the get go. Joseph Smith does the same, says this is the ancient original religion.

-Scriptures

Both Qur’an and Book of Mormon takes things from other books such as New Testament, Old Testament, Talmud etc.

-Polygamy

Both religions condone polygamy. Both prophets are poligamists and they both had relationships with minors (Like Aisha who were 9 years old).

-General

They were as the legends go both ignorant, Muhammad was illiterate and Joseph Smith was not well educated too. Both of their supporters see this as evidence that they couldn’t have written their respectable books. They both unorthodoxly change theologies of “orthodox” religions. They both don’t have miracles, just books. Both their books don’t have evidences. They both as legends go wanted to find the true god in their loneliness and both have no wittnesses.

Hi, I’m Lindsy.
https://wasmormon.org/profile/lindsyae/
I was a mormon. I now find peace in meditation, travel, ACTUALLY connecting with my kids instead of seeking to control/indoctrinate them, and movement.
Southern California
lindsyae profile image for wasmormon.org
About me
I was as true-blue as they come. I was born and raised in the church. I went to church every Sunday, went to each and every youth activity that I could, attended EFY all four years, and applied for and went to BYU. I followed every rule religiously and could say that I truly believed. I strove every day to live up to what I thought were God’s standards for his people. I have journals FULL of notes from my scripture study sessions, mostly consisting of me reminding myself of where I could improve or where I was lacking. I married in the temple, started having kids right away, and from the start, we had FHE every week, attended the temple weekly (this only lasted for the first two years of our marriage, but we made it a point to attend monthly after that), had family prayer day and night, and companion and personal scripture study daily. We both felt we would be blessed for these behaviors, and we were. Life wasn’t great, but it wasn’t terrible either overall (other than “trials” that come to everyone).

# Why I left More stories of ‘Why I left’ the Mormon church
Over the years, some doctrinal things started to gnaw at me. I couldn’t square our clear doctrine of eternal families with my personal experiences with LGTBQIA+ friends and family. It just didn’t make sense to me that God would ask them to live a life on this earth without ever being able to experience romantic attraction and love with someone they truly wanted to be with and make a family with. I cried about it many times, just thinking about what a cruel situation it was. I also remember feeling sympathetic to the “Ordain Women” movement, although I didn’t know enough about feminism and wasn’t brave enough to join them at the time. Polygamy didn’t always bother me, but I did feel very negatively towards Joseph Smith after reading more about him and his personality and what he put Emma through (in a book called “‘The Mormon People” by Matthew Bowman. After that

Life sort of continued as usual until my husband (through his own chain of shelf-breaking events) read the CES Letter. He told me about it, and other things he was finding out about church history. It didn’t shock or bother me too much, but I felt that he was overreacting. For a while I would just listen to him, and then I decided I should probably read it myself to gain a better understanding of where he was coming from. Once I did, that was pretty much it for me. I felt after reading it that Joseph Smith had just created a cult back in 1830 that has now turned into something less cult-y. But the most important thing I took away was that it was all made up. That combined with the other issues I mentioned in the first paragraph shattered my shelf.

I continued going to church for a while until the cognitive dissonance became unbearable, and then I asked to be released from my ward organist calling and told my bishop I didn’t want to attend anymore. (He is amazing, and so is our whole ward. They’ve been very respectful of our journey.) It’s been a very trying year and a half emotionally. I’ve been dealing with depression and feelings of intense existential crisis (not sure if that’s the right term). Basically, it’s really effing hard to live your whole life with certainty and then to come to the realization that it’s all an illusion. But therapy and many long, raw talks with my husband have helped. It’s been extremely therapeutic to let my family know where I stand in a non-confrontational way and to answer their questions with confidence, although I know not everyone is so lucky.

Questions about Mormons My Answers to Questions about Mormonism
#Link to this answer of ‘What do you believe now?’ by lindsyae What do you believe now? See more answers about ‘What do you believe now?’
Honestly, belief is really hard for me. I guess I have come to the realization that we all have confirmation bias, and ultimately most of our beliefs are just that–ideas that we come up with to make ourselves feel better or to motivate ourselves. So now my new journey is examining my beliefs and deciding which ones serve me and which don’t. Many of the ideas I grew up learning in Mormonism still serve me, many do not. But I now definitely believe that there are many ways to live a good life, not just one pre-prescribed set of beliefs.

Parallels Between Islam and Mormonism

Mormonism copied from many religions including Islam

-Origins:

Islam and Muhammad say that Islam is the one true religion and say that it was the ancient religion where everyone believed in the ancient times and other religions like Christianity, Judaism etc. is wrong because they lost the originality. Adam and all the prophets believed in this religion from the get go. Joseph Smith does the same, says this is the ancient original religion.

-Scriptures

Both Qur’an and Book of Mormon takes things from other books such as New Testament, Old Testament, Talmud etc.

-Polygamy

Both religions condone polygamy. Both prophets are poligamists and they both had relationships with minors (Like Aisha who were 9 years old).

JS had 30 wives and married a 14 year old girl name Helen Kimbal

They both believe in having many women in the afterlife

-General

They were as the legends go both ignorant, Muhammad was illiterate and Joseph Smith was not well educated too. Both of their supporters see this as evidence that they couldn’t have written their respectable books. They both unorthodoxly change theologies of “orthodox” religions. They both don’t have miracles, just books. Both their books don’t have evidences. They both as legends go wanted to find the true god in their loneliness and both have no wittnesses.